Two faces, one life

We’ve all seen it happen. A warm, friendly person walks through the office doors and becomes clipped, cold, and curt. At home, they’re generous and funny. At work, they’re someone else entirely. Why?

Somewhere along the line, we absorbed the idea that professionalism requires performance. That work demands a different self: less emotional, less open, more guarded. Over time, this creates a quiet divide in our identity. We present one face to colleagues, another to friends and family. It feels normal. But it isn’t always healthy.

The workplace, with its hierarchies and KPIs, often encourages this kind of split. We’re taught to prioritise outcomes over connection, efficiency over empathy. But the irony is that in striving to be ‘professional’, many people stop being human. We forget to use the everyday social skills that guide us so naturally outside of work: listening properly, expressing appreciation, and making room for others to speak.

This isn’t about oversharing or abandoning boundaries. It’s about noticing how easily we leave our emotional intelligence at the door. Take the manager who barks orders but would never speak that way to a friend. Or the colleague who ‘ghosts’  a peer but wouldn’t dream of blanking someone at home. These behaviours aren’t usually malicious – they’re a byproduct of a workplace culture that still subtly rewards detachment. Yet we know that trust, collaboration, and belonging - all the things that drive high-performing teams - depend on real human connection. And that starts with allowing ourselves to be one person, not two.

Leaders have a role to play in this. By modelling warmth, curiosity, and humility, they signal that it’s safe for others to show up fully too. Cultures begin to shift when emotional intelligence becomes an everyday currency, not an optional extra.

We spend most of our waking hours at work. That’s far too much life to live with only half of who we are. It’s time to retire the idea that being ‘yourself’ at work is risky. The real risk is pretending for so long that you forget who that self really is.

So next time you walk into work, ask yourself: Am I bringing the face I wear with the people I care about? If not, what would it take to close the gap?

Because the most powerful tool you have at work isn’t strategy. It’s you.